No one tells you that life after treatment will never be “normal” again. By “normal” I mean the life you had before diagnosis. The carefree life you took for granted. The life where a fever, bruise, body ache, rash, growing pains, decreased appetite, etc. didn’t trigger the worst feelings in the gut of your core. When Ariana began maintenance, all I could think of was reaching the “end” of treatment/nightmare. Never during this time did I stop to think about relapse or what my life would be like after she finished treatment. What would my new normal be now? In hind site, I probably did have those thoughts floating around but I was in a fight or flight mindset. As the end of her treatment neared a family member asked me what her future looked like i.e. latent chemo effects, visits to the hospital and the dreaded relapse rate. At first, I was distraught that I was being asked about the relapse rate. What relapse? She can not relapse? How dare you?! But as the days went by fear began to invade my thoughts. At our next clinic visit as we waited to see the oncologist for the last chemo push, I overheard the family in the next room being told their child had relapsed. I felt that horrible feeling that only parents of children with cancer can feel when they find out their child has cancer. I had a lot of questions for our team. FEAR set in. I had so many questions that quickly halted my joy.